Personal Pharaohs.

I'm in Egypt right now.  Wandering in my own life, in my own spinning soul, under the powers of Pharaohs, yet trying to be a trusting Israelite after the One True God.  I've been doing the Kelly Minter study "No Other Gods" for the past few weeks, and am reflecting on the teaching of week one: Personal Pharaohs.

What's interesting, is that my take away from this portion is probably so different, so distinct, so... me... from most others.  Because I see two sides of the coin:  One as the Pharaohs who seem to internally or externally oppress and enslave, and the other is the purposeful notion to Guard Ones Heart.

Pharaoh's push the heart down.  Suck out the marrow, drive for harder work, squish out the life.  Pharaohs can be relationships, jobs, situations, wrong emotions, critical attitudes, or life circumstances.  Some Pharaohs are placed in our lives to sharpen us, others are there to squander us.  Some are there out of our control or ability to be released from, while others we choose to stay under or are afraid to exodus from.

My Pharaohs look like many shapes and sizes...  Confining me with fear or leaving me intimidated or binding me to be less than I am.  Yet the hardest thing for me about Egypt right now, is knowing which Pharaoh's I can leave and be released from, and when the exile is allowed.  Though I know the Lord does not want to leave us bound, enslaved, or in chains, he has allowed his people to be in such, until the proper time.

While reading Kelly Minter's expository though, I couldn't help but stop and sit for a long time on the phrase, the Proverb:  "Guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life."  Because some Pharaoh's are created by ourselves, some are imposed on us, and some are just there.  But how we react to them, and how long we face them is sometimes our choice.

I think about this in two ways:  One, that ruling Pharaohs like fear or worry or doubt or distrust or unforgiving, are all internal.  We ourselves are able, with God's power, to get out from under them -- by purposefully guarding our heart against them!  We can build up our armor (Ephesians 6) with prayer, scripture, fellowship, and knowledge to make our walls stronger against these personal, internal Pharaohs  (More to come on this in another post).  Kelly speaks also about our imagination, and how that needs boundaries too, guarding our hearts and minds!

Secondly, I think in practical terms about guarding my heart.  I remember the words of Bekah when I was at my job at Wilson Middle School, the August after my mom died.  I described to her in depth what I was feeling, and she said "I don't want that for you."  But I kept the job anyway -- because people told me I needed a job, needed the money, and the health insurance, so to stick it out and suck it up and I'd be fine.  Then my friend Kate Vasey visited me that fall and said she didn't want this job for my heart and life, and wrote my resignation to help guard my heart, when I could not on my own.  This past week, I got a text from my friend Kara and she said, "I want better than that for you" and an email fro my friend Kate Riedberger, who also wanted better for my heart...  These all are reminders to me that (I have the best friends) guarding your heart is something you do, and you friends do for you.  Sometimes they can see things you can't, and can see outside the practical side to the personal side.   The see how Christ can cultivate and nurture you, and will stand like Nehemiah's prayer and power wall against Pharaoh's for you.  To guard our heart is sometimes to do the impractical in order to leave it softened, open, and malleable to God's will.

I'm finding Personal Pharaohs in all my corners, lurking like Satan to devour my heart and in situations to crumble me from the outside in.  Physical pharaohs, mental pharaohs.  But all I want is to be free of pharaohs, to live in the escape of Exodus, know these things:

1.  "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!"  This means inward, outward.  Boldness, hope.
2.  John 10:10 promises us that he has come to give us life, and life to the full.   Living under personal pharaohs attempts to rob us of this promise.
3.  He has come to bring freedom to the captives, and break the chains of the prisoner (Isaiah 61).  This is both metaphorical and literal.  In this blog context, the fact that Jesus also repeated these words doubles the impact of their hope and presence, for he desires us to be released, and free in him.

I don't know what Personal Pharaohs are taunting you, or how to always combat or answer to mine, but these are the thoughts of my wrestling, and in sharing them, somehow, my release....