When Strivings Cease.

 I have been home now, basically on bedrest, for 5 1/2 weeks.  And the Lord has been good to my soul.  I lay here without movement, none at all or I am excruciating pain from the herniated disc.  But my bedroom has become my solace, a quiet respite when usually I rush and worry and run.  

Yet he prepared me.  May I remember that he prepared me.  

This fall, Catherine Nations regarded our Growing Together group to read "When Strivings Cease" by Ruth Chou Simons.  Frankly the book wasn't great.  But it was used!  God prepared me for a time like this when truly in all ways, my striving has ceased.  

The premise of this book comes from Psalm 46:10.  

"Cease Striving and know that I am God."

or, as I learned as a child in the NIV84 "Be Still and Know that I Am God."

I think the literary emphasis is changed when I read the two verses, and the meaning of them impacts me so differently in these translations.  Perhaps because one I have memorized for years, have on mugs, and championed and different times.  But for me - the command to be still simply can cause anxiety these last few years of parenting, so it hasn't reverberated in the same ways.

However, "Cease Striving" hits me like a fork in the middle of head.  Light a knight losing a fencing battle.  Cease Striving!  When now that lets me drop it all, all my efforts, work, frantic fears and poof, let it fall at the floor.

Reading this book in the fall, I mostly skimmed what seemed obvious, truths I had already learned.  But I gifted it to my sister and thought even the quotes were scrolled pretty.

However, I had no idea what was coming.

What he prepared me for:

Cease Striving.

Here I lay, I do not move for carpool, groceries, volunteering, or meal prep.  I can't.  None.

My striving has ceased.

And oh, how it is good for my soul.

The pressure, because I literally can't, relaxes in my chest, and I dwell in it.

Trish calls it a Forced Sabbatical.

And I agree.  And I call it good.  

A few weeks of permanent rest, when strivings cease.

It has been a cocoon for my soul.  And He prepared me.  So I rest.

Courage, Mama, Courage.

We have an often repeated line in our home: "Courage, Mama, Courage!"  

Because sometime, you just need someone to encourage you in the fight, to lift up your arms, to tell you to keep going, to believe you can do it.

Now in our home, this line is used for Costco runs, for making dinner, for getting out the vacuum.  The seemingly little nuisances that plague the moment and overwhelm the mind.  But in truth, the line is also a trademark I want to give my kids.

They think they are enabling me with strength, which they are, but I am also gifting them with words and character influence for life.  In chanting "Courage, Mama, Courage" the usher me to keep trying, to lift up my chin, to do the hard things.  Their little voices chant this line and I take a deep breath and get out of the car or sit straighter to sign up for a new endeavor to will myself to meet a new friend, once again.  But in this, they see my fumbling and they breathe life and strength into my mundane or mountainous.  They learn the ways of living, and the inner conversation to motivate 

I want them to hear "Courage, Camilla, Courage!" when a school assignment feels big, when waving at a friend across a parking lot feels uncomfortable, when applying for college.  I want them to hear "Courage, Judah, Courage!" when walking into Preschool feels insurmountable, when trying out for soccer feels insecure, when asking a girl on a date feels massive.

I want them to know its okay to need courage.  It's okay to feel insecure or weak or overwhelmed.  But then have language and examples on how to live in that and walk through it.  

** Never Finished, wrote August 5, 2020.