On Sarah, Wait, and Trust.

Sarah is both the bane of my existence and nagging hopeful encouragement.  She's this character that is a mirror reflection of everything in my heart, from the turmoil of wait to the greed of control to the thoughts of manipulation to the provoked sarcasm.  She carries the weight of womanhood, the holy desire of children, the faulty human perception, and the anxiousness to question.

I feel her story grow in me, her sin nature reflect me, and her parallels my Truth to cling to.  Her story has come to me repeatedly in the last few weeks, in contexts from Bible Study to conversation to books in my hand.  And the Lord is telling me to wait.  But I feel Sarah, restless with urges to ease the desire, to create the whole, the formulate a plan.

She wanted for more.  She waiting and tried to trust his plan, years of anxious nights and endless days, waiting a family of her own.  Hours at the afternoon well, seeing the women with what she didn't have.   She had His promise, but that wasn't enough.  She wanted more.  She wanted a child, a family of her own, and her heart was tired of enduring, of pushing to trust, of believing He had her hand.

So in her fear, in her doubt, in her clenched teeth of worry, she crafted and created a plan.  Helping God along.

A child was born to Hagar, her maidservant offered to Abram.  And Sarah casts lot on them all.  Anger with Abram, bitterness to Hagar, and still emptiness of her own.  She feared the waiting, distrusted His plan, and manipulated the time to work on her own.  But instead it cut lines through each relationship, marring the life of Hagar and Ishmael forever, and leaving Sarah still alone.

How often don't I compel to do the same on my own?  To distrust God's promise, to line up my own solution to his plan, to foretell the story as I see it told.  I don't like to wait.  I gnarl in the pain of agony of it, even when I have been give his promise in full grace and graciousness.  Its as if time is bigger than  His promise, my human desires greater than his good, and my anxiousness larger than his loyalty.

God had asked her to wait.  To wait and trust.  His words ring back to me "Wait on the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait on the Lord"  (Psalm 27:14).  And his fulfillment years later to Sara deepen his character of Trust: "Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised.  Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him"  (Genesis 21:1-2).

At the very time.  How hard is it to trust god for at the very time?  In Ruth, it is written often it just so happened (paraphrase) as the Lord's plan unfolded as he guided (Ruth).  For Hannah, her angst arose i prayers but the Lord was faithful to the cries he heard, "So in the course of time..." (I Samuel 1:20).  Each woman had to wait, to trust, to be faithful to today in order to honor his plan.

Sara gripped power and control and devastated her own.  Ruth and Hannah proceeded down the road of hurt and despair, but God gave ear to their desperation.  The Lord was faithful to each.  His concern for them out did their inner wrestling.  His love for them blanketed their longing.  And his faithfulness triumphed their fear.

As we walk throughout our roads, may we be women who are willing to wait, to trust, to release the wrestle of our fear.  To believe his Words that he will guide us, that he has our good, that his love is greater than our thoughts, our worries, our plan.  May we find comfort in his covenants, steadfast peace in his control, and faith to surrender to the God who is always present, always omnipotent, always guiding, always the Lord.