Let God Use Me.

He's teaching me. Breaking me. Bending me. Molding me. He's teaching me, to surrender.

He's teaching me, to let God use me.

I lay in bed, the ten o'clock hour well-past, and my mind settled and nested like the form underneath the covers in the quiet of night. She had asked, twice. They had asked, twice...

Yet I was... seeing my schedule, marking my time, watching my energy, protecting my heart, concerned for others.

Yet, He was speaking to me.

They had asked me to share. To share of my life-blood, my soul, my heart. To allow others to view-in, perceive my experience, my heartbreak, my vulnerability, from afar.

I wasn't ready. I wasn't perfect. I wasn't rehearsed. I wasn't over it.

But they were asking.

I said "No." But God said "Yes."

I lay there, in my darkened room, wrestling with His desire from me. Working through heartache, data, story.

I wasn't able. But He was. And he was asking my heart, to be willing. Willing to let God use me.

So I surrendered. Heart, soul, experience, life. The personal, the intimate, the loss, the hurt. As much, in bits and pieces, that was required, or asked, or pursued, or needed, or desired.

I surrendered. Video-taped the story, released the emotions, gave of myself. And let 250 women in. To me.

Because I desired, to Let God Use Me.