When my mom died, I went through a long period of things in my brain not transpiring. I couldn't think straight, plan meals, cook, or seem to make sense of the world around me. My friend Kate came and stayed for 3 days in June and cooked and grocery shopped and listened to my whirlwind of everything that I couldn't place in my brain.
When I moved to Charlotte, I found the fall so difficult. Everything was new and I was splattered in it -- new job, new house, new roommates, new grocery store, new church, new everything... And it felt so displaced. Like - did my life really happen? how did I end up here? Is this me? What is all this around me? Because nothing stayed the same (except Christ and my phone-call friends).
Its been two years now since that and I regained my footing and created a home and began to settle...
Now I'm back in this transition with 10 weeks without a schedule, friendships that seem to have faded, with lots of my energy trying oh so hard to make new ones, and this cloud of transition and waiting getting darker over my head. I'm a woman that needs heart friends, that needs a schedule, that works best with a project underway... But right now I'm fumbling and just wishing I could somehow get back on that platform of steady -- I'm not even asking for green grasses -- just steady for a while...
So it makes me want to buy flights to send my friends here, so that I have them deeply in my world, and somehow convince them to move here.
Or sit down and ask my mom a million questions. Literally a million -- like: how did she stay home all day? how did she organize her morning? what is so important about dusting each week? what does it mean to be a wife at the beginning? how did she survive when both her parents died?
So here I am in transitioning, wishing I could lean on her faith and her wisdom, and somehow find schedule and forward movement in order to regain my footing once again...
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