This Warrior.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against...the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces in the heavenly realm." Ephesians 6:12

4 cell phones to the office, simply out of belligerence. Freshman honors students in four corners, like dunces, for the second day in a row, still not working, still goofing off. Junior Honors student leaving in the middle of class, in no anger, nor explanation. Administration calling and tracking parking spaces to see what went amiss. The "f" word use profusely, 3 more students removed to ISS, remarking to administrators "She's crazy!" And I put my head down on my desk.

Defeated.

I am full of angst. Feeling completely abused, disrespected, and frustrated. At my wits end.

I wrote two months ago about piercing the dark. Full of ferocious empowerment for the gospel at my school. I live it, I talk it, I breathe it, I push it. Just last week I had out my projects from Bible class at Calvin Christian, displaying their work about the Passion week and Pauls' missionary journeys. This week, I explained the B.C. -- A.D. breakdown, and everything in history revolving around Jesus, all centering on Him, the cruxic of all time and history. Then the next class, I spoke about slavery, singing aloud the sweet anthem of "Swing Low, Sweet Charriot" with depth of explanation of the story of Elijah, the need for hope and heaven. I furthered it with the Moses connection of Harriet Tubman, and the slaves needing the empathy that comes from Jesus suffering. I communed today about Mormans and Jesus and Truth and persecution and the difference faith makes.

The gospel is presented everyday in my class. In my life, but also in my blatant words and assumed connections of Jesus and stories and life. He is real, he is present, and he is powerful in F202.

One of my favorite songs, the song I always pick up and play and sing to at my piano is "The Warrior Is A Child" by Twila Paris. Its lyrics read:

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cuz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Today this Gospel Warrior came home and collapsed. Today, this warrior was sustained by no armor, by no might, by no power. I just simply dropped my sword and fell down.

But I didn't realize it until now. I didn't realize the spiritual depth and connection of my awful day, until I ended it looking up verses, trying to re-arm myself for the fight and refocus from my darkness. And I thought: I wonder if today has less to do with each individual incident and and each student and coarse word and harsh interaction, and if instead, today was a spiritual battle. If today was the presence of darkness, the spiritual forces, fighting against the Gospel Message in my room (Ephesians 6:12).

So this wounded warrior sits, reflecting and praying. Defeated, but arming. Reading:

"Put on the full armor of God so you can take your stand against the devils schemes..."

And I dig into the Word, "so that when the day of evil comes [I] may be able to stand [my] ground, and after [I] have done everything, to stand" (v 13). I search around for my belt of truth, my breastplate of righteousness, my gospel of peace, helmet of salvation and sword of the spirit. And most importantly right now, my shield of faith -- extinguishing the flaming arrows of the evil one (v. 14-17).

I end tonight, I end this battle, with prayer (v.18), and searching scriptures for my armor. My classroom needs a mighty warrior. My school needs a mighty warrior. My heart needs to be a mighty warrior, fitted with the armor of God, standing against the devils schemes.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power." Ephesians 6:10

~~

P.S. Thank goodness for Lamentations 3:22-24!